


to the bone

by withoutwords



Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [15]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27889531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: Callum's always been good at punishing himself.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040865
Kudos: 33





	to the bone

Callum’s always been good at punishing himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind he can probably recognise that it’s part of how he was brought up. His mum left and his dad hated them - and if it wasn’t Callum’s fault, whose was it?

Now he’s got good friends, a loving family, and a woman who adores him; and he’s still sitting alone in a park wishing he was somebody else.

Not just a park. This park.

It was only a matter of time before Ben found him.

“Fond memories, eh?” he says, taking a seat on the other swing. Callum doesn’t even bother looking up. “Bit late, innit?”

“So?”

“So, you might get hypothermia or summat. I mean, _I’ll keep you warm_ if you want.”

“Geez, Ben,” Callum bites, feeling all those familiar emotions shoot through him. Anger, confusion, want. “Everything’s just a laugh with you, ain’t it.”

“Oh yeah, a regular riot.”

“Then why d’ya gotta be so … Ben Mitchell all the time? Where’s the bloke who told me he could see me? Whose always quick to check on me, say sorry to me?”

“Didn’t know you wanted him.”

“That ain’t … I can’t do this with you.” Callum jumps out of the swing to take off, but Ben is quick behind him, grabbing at his elbow. Callum doesn’t have any fight left him tonight - has probably never had much fight when it comes to Ben.

“Callum,” Ben says, softer now, the hard edge to his eyes gone when Callum turns to look at him. “Sorry. It’s just default for me, y’know?”

“I know.”

It’s pretty dark out here, excepting the street lights, a few passing cars. The square is abandoned, Callum can’t hear anything but the rustle of Ben’s jacket, and the scuffle of their feet. It’s just like that first night here, when they’d kissed. When Callum had lost all control and stopped fighting the urge to touch Ben.

It feels like so long ago.

“You alright?” Ben asks, and before Callum even realises he’s moving, Ben’s holding Callum’s hand in his. Callum can’t seem to let go.

“I got a lot on my mind.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

Callum’s always had crushes on other men, from a really young age he reckons. Back then he could pass it off as best friends, hero worship, aspiration. But now, with Ben, there’s nothing to pass it off as. He couldn’t even lie to Stuart when he asked.

Callum has a crush on Ben Mitchell. No. He has feelings for Ben Mitchell. And as hard as he tries, and as much as he denies it, it’s not going away.

When he pulls Ben into him, and kisses him, and feels the way Ben gasps into his mouth - he knows it’s not like anything else he’s had in his life. He knows its better.

“ _That was unexpected_ ,” Ben says, and they both know it’s a lie. Callum lets go of Ben’s hand but doesn’t move.

“Can we go somewhere?” he asks, and the smile on Ben’s face just cuts him open even more.

Callum’s always been good at punishing himself.


End file.
